Departures: That Prometheus Script

I recently received an email from a reader asking me to be more specific about what I disliked so much about the script for Prometheus. Here is the brief email I sent in response. Note: Spoilers.

• Prometheus is supposed to be a scientific research vessel. So why is everyone onboard so impossibly stupid?

• The Captain has two of the afore-mentioned incredibly stupid crew members (who didn't know the difference between east and west – which even I do) left behind in the engineer's structure when the storm hits. So what does he do? Goes off and bones Charlize. I get it's probably an attractive idea – but really? It's not supposed to be a p*rno.

• The two archeologists share the fact that they have matched the engineer's DNA to human DNA and then have s*x. Great. (See p*orno comment.)

• Charlize's character is just a bitter, wound-up bitch. Nothing else going for character. One note.

• Logan's character gets infected by alien fluid by the android. Why?

• When he starts to replicate, Charlize torches him. Why? If it's a scientific expedition – why torch the results of the scientific experiment? It goes back to the whole quarantine thing that made Alien what it was. In Alien, the android specifically defies Ripley by letting them back in to the Nostromo. The Nostromo crew were not scientists. The Prometheus crew supposedly are. Scientists would have protected the result of the poisoned human to see what the fluid did.

• That camp Android! Really? Who cares? All that dream-invading stuff went nowhere – and it started off really promisingly.

• They find a star map. They want us to come and find them. How do you figure that out? I get that it's proof of their existence, but it might have been written more interestingly. Again, it goes back to that great moment in Alien when Ripley tells the crew (that are in the derelict spaceship) that the message is not a distress signal, but a warning. A great moment in Alien's script. There isn't anything even remotely similar in this one.

• There is obviously more than one structure on the planet. But the Android tells Noomi's character at the end that there is more than one spaceship. Well, der! Who didn't know that?!

• The caesarian section sequence was stupid. It only worked because Noomi gave it everything she had and the designers did too. But how was it possible that she was even capable of standing up afterwards? – let alone running around all over the place. Totally implausible. Ridiculous.

• The way the surviving engineer just flings everyone around. That was the killer for me. Wouldn't he have been curious? Fascinated about where the humans had come from? There was a great chunk of really interesting stuff that could have happened there. The amazing building of the universe (which was mainly just a big 3D show-off moment) certainly hinted that the engineers might have been more interesting as a species than they actually get to be in the script. Appalling.

• Ridley's still obviously not over his unhealthy obsession with vagina dentata. Grow up man! You're 70 something! See a shrink.

• The octupus creature design was pre-school quality.

• The final appearance of a xenomorph-like alien was just too much.

• Ridley's been going on about how awful the rest of the Alien movies were, and his biggest crime from my point of view, is that he has a made movie that certainly isn't as good as Alien, nor James Cameron's Aliens. That's wrong.

Film Review: What to Expect When You’re Expecting

What to Expect When You’re Expecting. Rated M (sexual references and coarse language). 110 minutes. Directed by Kirk Jones. Screenplay byShauna Cross and Heather Hach. Based on the book by Heidi Murkoff.

Verdict: While it certainly won’t be for everyone, this charming little romance-infused comedy/drama works as well as you might expect.

With an all-star cast playing immensely likable characters, a keenly-observed screenplay by Ms Cross (Whip It) and Ms Hach (Freaky Friday) from Ms Murkoff’s bestseller, and a steady hand from Mr Jones (Nanny McPhee, Everybody's Fine), this charming little romantic comedy/drama works on every level.

Continuing the trend of recent films such as Valentine’s Day (2010), five individual stories are interwoven into a broad, sweeping canvas about the perils of impending parenthood. Elizabeth Banks (The Hunger Games) is great as Wendy Cooper, the owner of The Breast Choice Boutique – and her late-stage pregnancy-inspired meltdown at a Baby Expo that goes viral on YouTube is comedy at its finest.

Anna Kendrick (Up in the Air) and Chace Crawford (Gossip Girl) provide the youthful, passionate drama of a complicated relationship perfectly, while Cameron Diaz proves yet again that she can do practically anything with her pitch-perfect performance as the independent host of a reality television weight loss program who learns to accept that she can’t do everything on her own.

Jennifer Lopez (The Wedding Planner, Monster-in-Law, The Back-up Plan) is in fine form as the hard-working Holly who, along with her partner Alex (Rodrigo Santoro), are nervously anticipating being accepted as adoptive parents of an Ethiopian orphan. The scenes in the Ethiopian orphanage will melt the hardest of hearts, as will an unexpectedly dramatic development for one of the characters in childbirth.

While it certainly won’t move or delight everyone, What to Expect When You’re Expecting is an involving and entertaining little film that, wisely, balances all of its attendant romance, comedy and drama almost perfectly.

This review was commissioned by the Geraldton Newspaper Group.

Film Review: Snow White and the Huntsman

Snow White and the Huntsman. Rated M (fantasy themes and violence). 127 minutes. Directed by Rupert Sanders. Screenplay by Evan Daugherty, John Lee Hancock and Hossein Amini.

Verdict: The long and winding road that leads to a palace.

While it is certainly a stunning film to look at, Snow White and the Huntsman takes too many detours and far too much time to wend its way through what is a very familiar story of a princess feted to rise up against a murderous Queen and regain the throne she was ruthlessly denied.

Similarly to Tarsem Singh’s gorgeous looking Snow White-lite take earlier this year (Mirror, Mirror) Sanders’ equally-sumptuous affair boasts Dominic Watkins’ (The Bourne Supremacy, United 93) extravagant production design and Colleen Atwood’s (Alice in Wonderland, Memoirs of a Geisha) picture-perfect costumes. Melbourne-born Greig Fraser (Caterpillar Wish, Bright Star, Let Me In) cements his international reputation with outstanding cinematography that captures every essence of the film’s many challenging and constantly changing moods and locations.

The writers and Sanders, making his feature film debut, make what turns out to be a near-fatal error by mistaking ‘long’ for ‘epic’. What they risk in the process is undermining the film’s many great qualities, which other than in the design departments and some inventive sequences (especially the scenes set at the lakeside commune where the once-beautiful women have fled from the evil queen’s life-draining hunger for their beauty), are the spirited performances and a flawless visual tapestry of creative splendour.

Chris Hemsworth (Thor) does his best work to date as the grieving Huntsman, while Charlize Theron (Prometheus, Monster) goes for broke from start to finish and never misses a trick. Kristen Stewart (Twilight’s Bella) flexes her acting muscles in ways that have not been required of her in the Twilight franchise, and the fact that we never really care about her fate is the fault of the wandering and didactic screenplay – not her spirited charge through the leading role.

The actors who play the dwarfs (including Bob Hoskins, Ray Winstone and Nick Frost) have been digitally manipulated to the size of a dwarf which works for a moment – before you begin to realise that the film is almost beginning to sink with too much trickery at the expense of being something we might have actually been a good deal more engaged by. Apparently, and there’s no prizes, there’s going to be a sequel. Please let it be over in half the time. If that.

This review was commissioned by the Geraldton Newspaper Group.

Film Review: That's My Boy

That’s My Boy. Rated MA 15+ (strong sexual references, crude humour and coarse language). 116 minutes. Directed by Sean Anders. Screenplay by David Caspe.

Verdict: How this grotesque and incomprehensible cinematic sludge ever got released will forever remain a mystery.

For people who like their comedy to be of the loud, crass, artless and rude variety, this long foray into mostly grotesque and incomprehensible rubbish will more than likely be your thing. While most of it is as entertaining as taking out the garbage, at least the filmmakers don’t even remotely pretend to aim for any subtly, innuendo or subtext. The humour – such as it is – is broad and severe, and if you’re still sitting in your seat by the end of the film’s eye-poppingly un-PC opening sequence, you need to know that it only gets worse.

When schoolboy Donny Berger (Justin Weaver) gets his teacher pregnant, he becomes an instant celebrity while she gets sentenced to 30 years jail for having sex with a minor. Years later, the now-adult Donny (Adam Sandler) decides to find his now-adult son Han Solo (Andy Samberg) in order to be able to film a reunion segment for a reality television show and be paid the $45,000 he owes to the tax office.

From beginning to end, That’s My Boy reeks of a certain kind of career-ending desperation – with the only real surprise being the appearance of Hollywood heavy-weights Susan Sarandon (Thelma and Louise, Dead Man Walking) as the older, imprisoned school teacher and James Caan (The Godfather, Misery) as a priest. The rest of the cast (especially the unfortunate Mr Samberg), should win an award for persevering with the nonsense they have to work with while Mr Sandler takes way too much screen time with his boisterous Donny who boasts not a single redeeming or likable feature.

In a cluttered comedy film marketplace, it’s difficult to know how this film even managed to secure a release. The only possible reason is that someone, somewhere, thought there was a market that still existed for this kind of cinematic sludge. For the sake of the rest of us, I hope they’re wrong.

Departures: Melanie Joosten's Berlin Syndrome wins Kathleen Mitchell Award

The Trust Company as Trustee for the Kathleen Mitchell Award, today announced Melanie Joosten as winner of the $15,000 prize for her novel Berlin Syndrome.

32 year old Joosten's debut novel, published by Scribe, was described by the judges as a 'psychological thriller that is an exploration of obsession, captivity and the cumulative guilts of the past'.

Established in 1996 by the will of Kathleen Adele Mitchell, the biennial award aims to act as an incentive to improve young writers' literary skills, as well as encourage them to maintain their passion and dedication to the advancement of Australia literature – much like the aim of Miles Franklin in setting up her literary award which The Trust Company also administers.

John Atkin, CEO of The Trust Company, said this Award could be seen as a stepping stone to winning Australia's most prestigious literary prize. The 2012 Miles Franklin winner will be announced on 20 June in Brisbane.

32 year old Joosten, who is based in Melbourne, said: 'This award means so much to me – it can be difficult for a young or debut writer to get any purchase in the literary scene and awards such as this one really help with finding an audience. Also, I find that writing long fiction takes a long time – which is exactly what this award will afford me as I work on my next novel.'

Mr Atkin added: 'Congratulations to the winning author with her wonderful debut novel. Little is known about Kathleen Mitchell, who was a pharmacist. However, in her will she stated that she wanted to encourage "the advancement, improvement and betterment of Australian literature" and left a $50,000 bequest to cover the Award that carries her name.

'It is very encouraging to see the reputation of the award grow within the writing community. We want to ensure it is seen as a platform for young writers, giving them the gift of publicity and financial support to assist them in pursuing their talent further.'

The judges also Highly Commended Jessica Au's novel Cargo saying, 'This rites of passage novel powerfully demonstrates the impact of place as a shaping force in young lives.'

Previous winners of the Kathleen Mitchell Literary Award include; Randa Abdel-Fattah Ten things I hate about me (2008), Markus Zusak The Book Thief (2006) Lucy Lehmann The Showgirl and the Brumby (2004), Julia Leigh The Hunter (2000), James Bradley Wrack (1998) and Sonya Hartnett Sleeping Dogs (1996).

The judges of the 2012 award included Dr Camilla Nelson, Lecturer in Communications at the University of Notre Dame, Gill Graton, Project Officer, Learning Services, State Library of NSW and Marilla North, Biographer, Lecturer in Australian Cultural and Literary History, Principal of the Creative Writing Workshops since 1988.

Film Review: Prometheus

Prometheus. Rated M (moderate science fiction violence and a medical procedure). 124 minutes. Directed by Ridley Scott. Screenplay by Jon Spaihts and Damon Lindelof.

Verdict: An abysmal script sinks any hope of the masterpiece we might have expected.

With the exception of The Avengers, it is difficult to imagine a film that has been so keenly anticipated as Ridley Scott’s Alien prequel Prometheus. For months, pre-release expectations have been whipped up into a frenzy with leaked clips, photos and gossip – all of which risked doing the film a great disservice. Could Prometheus be anywhere near as fantastic as we had been manipulated into believing it might be?

It is 2089. Archaeologists Elizabeth Shaw (Noomi Rapace) and Charlie Holloway (Logan Marshall-Green) discover an ancient star map that they interpret as an invitation for contact from a pre-human race of supreme beings. Three years later, at the invitation of the ageing Peter Weyland (Guy Pearce), Shaw and Holloway join the crew of the scientific exploration vessel Prometheus to travel to the distant moon LV-223 where their creationist theories will be challenged beyond their comprehension.

Spaihts and Lindelof’s (TV’s Lost, and 2011’s turkey Cowboys & Aliens) screenplay boasts a hapless mediocrity – and if there is a sci-fi cliché or another superior movie’s highpoint to be exploited, they waste no time in doing so. The abysmal script is only made worse when compared to the exceptional work of production designer Arthur Max (Robin Hood, Black Hawk Down, Gladiator, Se7en) and cinematographer Dariusz Wolski (the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, Alice in Wonderland, Dark City).

The cast, which includes Charlize Theron as corporate whip Meredith Vickers, Michael Fassbender as David the Android, and Idris Elba as the captain of the Prometheus, all do their very best to keep a straight face – possibly realising that at least they’ll certainly look great. Ms Rapace and Mr Marshall-Green both bring real chemistry to their roles, with Rapace in particular, effortlessly rising to the silly demands required of her in the film’s panic-stricken second half.

Shot – spectacularly – in 3D, Mr Scott has certainly made an ambitious return to the universe he so lovingly crafted for Alien in 1979. What is even more extraordinary is why he went there with a script that never manages to stand up to the grand themes of the origins of humanity he obviously wants to explore. And if the heavily sign-posted sequel eventuates (Alien aficionados will know that the crew of the Nostromo discovered a derelict spaceship on LV-426, not Prometheus’s LV-223), we can only hope he goes there with new writers.

Pictured: Logan Marshall-Green, Noomi Rapace and Michael Fassbender quite possibly dreading their next line of dialogue in Prometheus.

This review was commissioned by the Geraldton Newspaper Group.